It's Just a Transfiguration Book
by Pessimist
Summary: Why do I like James/Lily fics? Because JKR never got around to telling her wonderful readers why they even decided to get together in the first place. A collection of Lily/James one-shots, in which cliche stories are attempted to be made less cliche.
1. It's Just a Transfiguration Book

**Author's Notes:** Why do I like James/Lily fics? Because JKR never got around to telling her wonderful readers why they even decided to get together in the first place.

**Disclaimer:** I think I would simply die with pleasure if I owned Harry Potter… but I don't.

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**It's Just a Transfiguration Book**

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"James is right behind you."

"I know."

"Lily, he's _staring_ at you."

"I _know_, Alice."

Despite her mild annoyance, Lily Evans couldn't help but smile a little in spite of herself. She could easily feel the eyes of the Gryffindor chaser trained intently on her back… or more likely – as she reminded herself – her bum.

Rather than getting worked up, however, Lily decided to continue her progress on a tricky transfiguration essay as she sat across from her fellow Gryffindor roommate at one of the tables in the common room. Stumped, she reached absentmindedly into her bag for her textbook only to find that it wasn't there. Knowing she probably left it in her dorm room and was otherwise too lazy to go and retrieve it, she merely stood up and leaned over the table to borrow Alice's copy.

"Lily!" the other girl hissed. "What are you doing?"

"What?" The head girl was momentarily shocked, and justifiably so, as she picked up the book from Alice's side of the table. "You're not even using it!"

"Not _that_," Alice stressed, looking at her friend in exasperation. When Lily remained looking just as confused as she was at first, and still standing up, the other girl finally got her point across. "_Don't you realize you're just giving him an easier chance to look at your butt?_"

Lily sat down abruptly, although she had the textbook firmly in her clutches. Her face turned red enough to rival the color of her hair. "Why didn't you say something sooner?!" she whispered, casting a rather hasty glance to her left and right, but avoiding looking at James as determinedly as she could.

"I tried! I didn't want it to be too obvious!"

Before the head girl could bicker back, she heard someone cough behind her. Turning around nervously, in case James had decided on that precise awkward moment to speak to her, she was relieved to only find Sirius standing there with a look on his face that clearly said "what the hell?"

"You know, if this is a bad time I could always come back…" He made a move to turn around and retreat nearer to the fireplace, and Lily immediately cast a weary glance over to the spectacle-wearing boy on one of the common room's many sofas, only to find him engaged deep in conversation with Remus Lupin, who had closed his book in favor of discussing a topic of study. Had he even really been looking at her? She immediately felt stupid for getting so bent out of shape…

"Look, Evans, if you want me to leave just say so." She nearly jumped out of her skin; when had Sirius shown up again? She averted her eyes from James, realizing she'd been staring for a good few seconds, but it didn't quite escape Padfoot's notice. He followed her gaze with his eyes, which landed on his best friend, and smirked at her. "If you want, I could just bring him over here for you. I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Unless you'd rather go sit with him on the couch."

"Oh, be serious, will you?!" Lily seethed, kicking Alice under the table, as she had begun to snort with laughter.

Sirius looked as though she had mortally offended him, but his facade fooled no one. "I _am_ serious!" he said. "In every sense of the word," he added as an afterthought.

"Ha ha," Lily replied sarcastically. "Now what do you want, Black?"

"I need help…" He took a rather lengthy pause, during which he walked around Lily's chair, nudged her a bit to make room for him to sit down beside her on said chair, and draped an arm around her shoulders casually. "With my potions homework." He flashed her a cheesy smile and wiggled his eyebrows.

"What makes you think I owe _you_ any favors?" She shoved his arm off of her back but let him still sit on her chair, though pushing him away several inches until he was literally hanging off the edge of his seat.

"I was hoping it would be out of the kindness of your heart, actually."

Lily scowled at him, still somewhat angry about his _disgusting_ statement of having her sit on the couch with his fellow marauder… whatever that statement entailed. "I'm not in the mood! Just go!"

Sirius pursed his lips, trying and failing miserably to look angry. "I see I'm not wanted here." He ignored Lily and Alice's attempts to agree with him. "I mean… _obviously_ this spot was saved for James, right? Or maybe you were hoping to sit on his lap? I guess I'll just – "

"SIRIUS!"

"Yes?"

"Leave already!"

Lily missed his head with a poorly aimed eraser as he retreated back to the fireplace where his buddies were waiting for him. Unconsciously, she zeroed in on the mouth of the Gryffindor chaser as it curved into a grin when he was rejoined by his best friend. She watched them share a laugh, and the head girl felt her face turn red in anger. _Are they laughing at _me_?_

Alice, apparently, took the flush of her friend's face to mean something else. "You know, Lily… maybe you _should_ go over there and sit on the couch with James. Or… – what was it Sirius said? – bring him here to sit on his lap."

It took Lily a grand total of two seconds to register what her friend was saying. "_With Potter?! Are you completely insane?!_"

Alice paused as though not sure exactly how to argue her case. "No…" she began slowly, "I don't think so." At a glare from her friend she hurried to come up with a more reasonable answer. "It's just… you've been doing nothing but _looking_ at him since I told you he was behind you."

_She's got a point… _"I have not!" the redhead argued back, somewhat lamely.

"Yes you have!" Alice's grin was getting bigger and bigger. "_And_ you're blushing about it now!" Lily wanted nothing more than to hit the girl for making such obscene accusations. Instead she took her anger out on her transfiguration essay, which was laid out on the table, and clenched it tightly in her fist.

"So what?" she hissed, aware that if she kept arguing at such a high volume the whole common room would know what they were talking about… including James, the subject of the conversation. "It's not like I was staring at him _lovingly_." Lily spat out the word as though it was bad for her health. As if to prove her point, she reversed her position in her chair to turn around and glare at the offender. Green eyes met dazzling hazel for a moment. He smiled briefly, and the redhead turned back around with a face even redder than before.

"You _like _him!" Alice said this so loudly that Lily had to shush her. Amazingly, no one else seemed to notice it. "You want to _kiss_ him!"

"I do not!" By this point, Lily had crumpled the piece of parchment in her hands so much that the still-wet ink was beginning to bleed through. Taking notice of this, she immediately released the paper, which bounced off her side of the table and onto the floor. Scowling, she bent down to pick it up. "I absolutely resent that!" she added upon reappearing.

"Well, don't." Alice overrode her friend's next attempt at speaking, choosing to defend the dark haired boy, though she refused to make eye contact and pretended to begin a new paragraph of her essay.

"Why shouldn't I?" Lily spat in frustration, sounding unjustly upset as she smoothed out her own piece of parchment. "Why are you sticking up for him? You're supposed to be on _my_ side!"

"I _am_ on your side!" The Gryffindor seventh year paused, contemplating her next statement. "I'm just… pulling a Benedict Arnold on you."

Lily, who, being muggle-born, knew exactly who Benedict Arnold was, let out a strangled cry. "What?!"

"Lily, come off it. Potter's not stupid. I mean, when it comes to schoolwork, right?" Both girls were perfectly aware of his more than acceptable grades, as he had gloated more than once.

"Yes…" Lily responded hesitantly, as she was more concerned of his stupid tendency to get into trouble at any given turn. Though, she frequently had to remind herself, it was probably mostly Sirius's fault. It was only this notion that prevented her from beating the living daylights out of Potter whenever she found him in a suspicious situation. So, Alice had already proved one point, but there were plenty of other reasons to dislike such a character.

"And you can't deny that he's _far_ from ugly; most normal people go around calling him hot. Though I guess you're not exactly normal…" Alice waited for her friend to catch the jab, but Lily didn't seem to notice it.

"Well, I guess…" _That_ was definitely true. It was something that the head girl had taken into account the first time she saw him. It took all of her willpower to not comment on her new revelation of noticing his capturing eyes, lest she make the other girl giggle with glee. Instead, Lily managed a small pursing of the lips. Okay, so there were a few decent attributes Potter possessed, but she doubted whether her friend could find any more endearing qualities about him. After all… he was a bit of a git.

"And he hasn't pulled any funny business on you lately."

Lily was forced to vividly remember an incident about a year ago that involved the whole group of boys, though she had no idea how they did it, nicking her clothes and her wand while she was in the shower, where she was forced to freeze for hours before Alice finally came in looking for her. She had been on the verge of cursing James out of anger and embarrassment until Sirius confessed that it had been his idea. This again supported Alice's first act of defense for James. "True…" _She nailed that one…_

"And just admit that he's finally deflated his head a bit since last year. If you ask me, he _is_ rather sweet once you get him away from Sirius." Alice looked pointedly at Lily and jerked her head in the direction of the marauders, where a hearty and unnecessarily loud guffaw met their ears.

_Bleeding Sirius… _"I suppose, but – "

"So just go out with him already!" Lily had to endure a look from her friend that clearly told her she was out of valid objections, but the stubborn girl refused to back down.

"Alice! You don't get it! He hasn't asked me out _once_ this whole year!" She shouted, as if the statement made any sense.

"So?"

"'So?' That means if he doesn't, then _I _would have to!" Lily looked as though this action would be one of ultimate shame, and she obviously expected her friend to react in the exact same way.

Alice, however, merely snickered. "What's the big deal?"

"That means I _can't_ like him!"

"What do you mean 'you can't?'" Alice was laughing quite openly now at her friend's pitiful attempts to dispute her. "What's wrong with him?"

"Are you kidding me?! It's because he's… well, it's because he's _Potter_!"

"I can't believe you'd go and refuse to like someone because of their last name," the round-faced girl said in exasperation, trying and failing to look annoyed; she grinned instead.

"You know that's not what I meant! After years of hating his guts, can you imagine what he would say if I asked him out and he knew I caved first?" Lily covered her face with her hands and chanced another look in the direction of the marauders, peering through her fingers. She scowled when Sirius was the only one to notice. He waved at her and all but screamed at her to go over and join him and his friends.

Alice twitched the corners of her mouth upwards, witnessing her friend's attempts to catch James's eye. "It's not _caving_ if you both like each other."

"Wrong! Look, forget Potter." Lily made a motion in midair of wiping a chalkboard clean as if to emphasize a clean slate. "I've always told you that there has to be a perfect guy out there for me somewhere, and I'm completely willing to wait until I find him!"

Alice, who had been sucking thoughtfully on the tip of her quill, stared at the girl sitting opposite of her with a mixed look of pity and enjoyment. "I hate to break it to you, but he's right over there." She removed the writing utensil from her mouth to point it obviously at James, who, as if he knew he was being watched, ran a hand through his wayward hair and carried on with his conversation.

Lily was not amused. "I'm going to bed," she said in a tone expressing disgruntlement. Clearly tired of the subject at hand, she stood up and, without pushing in her chair or clearing away her things, trudged up the stairs to the girls' dormitory.

--

When Lily woke up the next morning, she felt nothing short of exhausted. After deliberating for several moments whether to wake up and face the world or to stay snuggled in her warm four-poster, and leaning toward the latter, Alice positively ripped open the scarlet hangings around her bed, letting in a rush of blinding sun. Groaning, sitting up, and rubbing sleep from her eyes simultaneously, Lily was given little chance to yell at her friend, for Alice spoke first.

"Well, did you at least think about it?" she asked, as though continuing the conversation from the previous night and pretending it hadn't been stopped short by the head girl's sudden retreat upstairs.

"Think about what?" Lily croaked, hoping to shake the topic of herself and her _nonexistent_ attraction for a certain hazel-eyed marauder.

"You know perfectly well 'what.'" It seemed her friend just wouldn't be swayed. In response, and as an excuse to avoid talking, Lily ducked under her covers once again with an audible groan of discontent. Alice appeared to take pity on the girl and said, "Oh, never mind right now. It's time for breakfast. I'll just meet you in the hall, yeah?" When she didn't get an answer, she took it as a yes and made her way downstairs.

Lily was strongly tempted to just fall back to sleep for several more hours. She had gone up to bed at a decent hour, but, for the life of her, could not fall asleep until past two in the morning. For some reason, she hadn't been able to forget the last few moments of her conversation with Alice.

"_I've always told you that there has to be a perfect guy out there for me…"_

"_I hate to break it to you, but he's right over there."_

What did that even mean? Potter was nowhere near perfect. And so she'd spent half the night pondering a question that, to her, seemed completely irrelevant until she was left feeling frustrated and depleted.

Half of her, the more rational half, told her that she had class the next day and that it was stupid to lie awake all night for no reason. The other half, which was somewhat curious, couldn't help but wonder if there really _was_ a future relationship between her and James; since last night, her feelings had almost totally changed, and she couldn't help but wonder if she'd liked him all those years without really knowing it. Though there was no way she'd admit these feelings outright to Alice.

But this left her with another problem: what if he didn't ask her out? Or, more importantly, what if he was no longer interested? Would she have to find a way to ask him out without actually doing so, or would she just take those feelings to the grave with her? _And_, if he _did_ ask, how could she accept without sounding uninterested while at the same time not overeager?

After lying still in bed for several long minutes, the redhead got up grudgingly, dressed in her school robes, and headed downstairs for a well-deserved meal, grabbing her book bag from the common room on the way out. Dodging around Peeves who was chucking owl pellets at a portrait on the staircase, Lily arrived in the great hall and settled herself next to Alice, who was munching on a piece of toast and opening a letter from her mother. "Morning, Lily," she said when the head girl sat down; she grunted in response.

"Evans, you're looking a little tired there." Lily looked up and was dismayed to find James and Sirius walking toward the Gryffindor table. She got even more annoyed when they both sat down across from her. Rather than respond to Padfoot's statement, she busied herself with the orange juice jug, hoping he'd get the hint that she wasn't up for an argument that morning. "I guess I would be tired too… especially if I had a little tryst going on with Prongs here."

Lily set down the orange juice so forcefully that it splashed over the edge of the container, sending drops of the liquid flying several feet in every direction; Alice had to quickly pull her letter out of harm's way. Lily opened her mouth to yell, her green eyes blazing, but before she could say anything, James took the initiative and hit Sirius upside the head.

"Ow! What the hell?!"

"Give it a rest, will ya?" he said, spooning scrambled eggs onto his plate. When he looked up at Lily to see her reaction (or maybe it was to seek her approval), she couldn't help but smile at him gratefully.

"Thank you, James."

Apparently Lily's expression of gratitude just gave Sirius another excuse to keep talking. "Woah! You just called Prongs _James_!" He gaped at her, but she chose to ignore him, reaching across the table for the eggs rather than asking him to pass the bowl. She didn't miss James's attempts to catch her eye.

"So," she asked Alice, making a conscious effort to avoid talking to the annoying teenager in front of her. "What'd your mom say?"

"Oh, just that she visited my Grandma yesterday, and – "

"Hey! How about some scrambled eggs, please?" Lily jumped in her seat, fork halfway to her mouth, only to find that Sirius had thrust his plate under her nose. Fixing him with a beady stare, she spooned an unnecessarily small portion onto his plate and glared as if daring him to ask for more. He just frowned at the pitiful meal in front of him rather than demanding more, but that just might have been because James kicked him under the table.

"Really, is everything okay? I mean, you do look a little pale…" James looked intently at the girl in front of him, his brow furrowed in concern and his hair sticking up in several different directions.

"M'fine," she muttered, not bothering to look up. "I just couldn't sleep last night. I was thinking about things…" At this, she couldn't help but flush a little bit.

She looked up just in time to see James's face split into a rakish grin. "If you really _have_ been thinking of me, I think you should know that you're welcome in my dorm any day of the week, Evans."

Lily glowered at him for his sudden display of arrogance, wolfed down her eggs, and snatched a bite of toast before leaving the great hall, Alice on her heels.

"Lily, he was just kidding!" Alice was practically jogging to keep up with her friend's quick strides.

"No, Alice, I don't think he was!" Lily was too tired and irritated to even bother listening. "You know, I actually gave it a lot of thought last night, but right now I don't want to deal with him!"

"You told me you liked him!"

Unwilling to admit it, Lily merely said, "I can't take all those comments in public, and I don't _want_ him to want me just for attention!"

For a few minutes, neither girl spoke. It was only as the general populace began exiting the great hall that Alice voiced her opinion again. "He really does care for you… and I think he might actually ask you about it soon…"

Unsure of how to respond to that, the head girl changed the subject. "We have transfiguration in twenty minutes."

Her friend frowned at the sudden change of direction; she had clearly hoped to force some sort of confession from her fellow Gryffindor. "I think I want to go finish my breakfast," she replied curtly, leaving Lily alone in the entrance hall before she could protest.

With nothing else to do, Lily decided to use the restroom to wash up and then just meander to class before everyone else. The bathroom on the first floor was surprisingly empty. Upon entering, she took a look at herself in the mirror and noticed that she did look a bit peaky. She splashed her face with cold water, inevitably wetting her hair in the process, and leaned over the sink with her eyes closed.

"… _perfect guy out there for me… he's right over there."_

She let the water just slide down her face for several minutes before finally realizing that she had to get to class. Rather than use a towel to dry her face, she just rubbed it on the sleeve of her robes and then exited the room. This all happened so quickly that Lily crashed into someone just outside the bathroom door with such force that she sent both of them sprawling backwards onto the floor.

"Geez, watch where you're going, Evans!"

Lily, who had just simply chosen to lie on her back after falling down, snapped her head up at the sound of the voice. "Potter?"

"Last time I checked, yeah." James, who had either not taken as much of the impact as Lily had or who was just a bit faster at returning to his feet, readjusted his glasses and ran a hand through his disheveled hair as he surveyed his love interest keenly. "What's wrong with you today? You're not acting like yourself."

"Oh, as if you're perfect over there, Potter!" she snapped, not making much sense and declining his offer of a hand to pull her back to her feet and instead standing and stumbling ungracefully to maintain her balance.

Several years ago, James might've responded by saying boastfully "Why, yes I am, actually," but instead he suggested to Lily that they both get to class, and the two of them proceeded up the marble staircase together; it was essentially isolated, as most of the students were still at breakfast. After walking up several flights of stairs, the quidditch player seemed to think it was too quiet, an obvious side effect of having Sirius as a friend. "Sorry about breakfast," he said, obviously thinking along the same lines as she had. "Sirius just gets a little too excited sometimes."

Lily looked James in the face and let out a short laugh. He smiled at her crookedly, obviously glad that he'd at least made her momentarily happy, and his hazel eyes sparkled with pleasure behind his glasses. "I don't care about Sirius, not when he's with _you_ anyway."

"What does that mean?"

"Sorry, let me rephrase that," Lily mumbled, aware of the jealous edge that James suddenly had to his voice. "I don't particularly like Sirius at all. Doesn't he ever annoy you?" she asked as an afterthought, amazed anyone could put up with him.

Now it was James's turn to laugh. "Honestly, what friend doesn't? But we get over it. And don't pretend it's not the same way with you and Alice," he interrupted, as Lily had been on the verge on interjecting.

"I think you know me too well."

"Oh, you know you love it." He took his arm and hesitantly wrapped it around her and pulled her close. For the first time since the two of them met, Lily didn't push James's arm off of her shoulders when he draped it there on the way to McGonagall's class; it felt strangely comforting to have him so close to her, and she even leaned her head against him briefly.

By then the two of them had reached the transfiguration classroom, but it was so early that the room was nearly empty except for Professor McGonagall, who looked at the two of them and pointedly motioned to the empty desks in font of her as an indication for them to sit down for the few remaining minutes before class.

Transfiguration, to sum it up in one word, was hell.

Faced with the in-class task of reading up on the chapter of transfiguring large mammals in preparation for the wand work the next day, Lily had again dug her way through her book bag in search of the illusive advanced transfiguration textbook. That was when she realized, with a groan of dismay, that it was probably still locked in her dorm room several stories up. So, apologizing profusely, Lily had begged Professor McGonagall to allow her passage up to Gryffindor tower. Permission was granted to the girl, though somewhat reluctantly, and the head girl couldn't help but feel rather fortunate.

However, twenty minutes later, she had returned to the classroom empty-handed, thus earning her a brief reprimand from her teacher, who suspected that she had just wanted an excuse to get out of class early. Lily would normally have ignored the incident completely, until she found that she was forced to share a book with the person next to her. As fate would have it, it was none other than Sirius Black, who possessed a textbook thoroughly torn and tattered, but unmistakably present. When she asked him if he could borrow it, and in the sweetest voice she could muster, he refused her, obviously still peeved about her endeavors to starve him during breakfast.

Well then what was she going to use to do her homework?

So, for the remainder of class, Lily sat. And when she didn't feel like just sitting, she thought. For the most part, these thoughts ultimately lead to a certain seventh year Gryffindor boy with spectacles and unkempt hair; she still hadn't decided whether or not she would accept an offer to go out with the boy. More than several times she found herself just staring at him, drinking in his dishy appearance, and, more than once, she had to endure several provoking laughs and hints from Sirius about how James was planning to ask her to the next Hogsmeade visit until she'd had enough and promptly summoned a wastebasket to upturn over his head.

After this, Professor McGonagall kept Lily after class to wipe down the desks in the classroom after the bell. She snapped at James to shut up when he tried to tell her something on his way out, and she left only after being late again for her next class.

Professor Sprout gave her a verbal warning for being tardy to double herbology, and she was again forced to stay after class to sweep up potting soil from the floor of the greenhouses long after everyone had left for lunch. She had been so angry that she had completely ignored James when he tried to talk to her again.

So, stomach growling, head steaming, and hands smelling strongly of dirt, Lily just made her way to the next class, ignoring her gut's protests as she caught a whiff of chicken on the way past the great hall; lunch was already halfway over.

All of a sudden, she heard someone call her name from behind her, someone who was obviously running to catch up with her. Lily turned around, although she was quite sure she already knew who it was behind her.

"Hey, Evans! Wait up a sec! I've been trying to talk to you all day!"

Lily positively turned around and sprinted in the opposite direction, only mildly aware that she was just going away from her class. Furthermore, she was still hungry. To her dismay, she found that she had unceremoniously run herself into a corner. To this, she scowled darkly as James caught up to her.

"I wanted to ask – " he began, his hand searching for something in his bag as he spoke.

"Yes, Potter, I will." Lily sighed in defeat, finally deciding to give in to her newfound feelings.

"Er… what?" He was going to ask her about her transfiguration book, but for some reason her answer didn't seem to fit his question.

"Pot – _James_," Lily began, completely serious and businesslike, realizing that it wouldn't be very endearing to call him by his surname. "I've been doing some thinking, and I've decided, after extensive deliberation, that because you're intelligent, attractive, and… somewhat tolerable, I _will_ go out with you." She was only vaguely aware of the spontaneity of the situation… and also that she probably looked and smelled quite filthy.

"Well I was just gonna give you back your transfiguration book, but if you'd rather go out with me instead…" James trailed off, taking a few moments to relish the rather awkward situation he had put her in, smirking in a cocky manner and shaking some loose hair out of his eyes.

"I wasn't going to say 'yes'!" Lily responded immediately out of pure instinct, completely and blissfully unaware of the fact that she'd already agreed to court him and that it was now a bit of ancient history.

"But you just did!"

"Did not!"

"Don't bother denying it!"

"Denying what?"

"Oh, never mind!" James relented, choosing to change the subject. "Do you want your book back then?" he asked, running a hand through his hair.

"My… book?"

"Yeah, Sirius found it last night in the common room, and he told me that he was going to tell you about it… but I guess he didn't."

_So that's why he was telling me to go sit on the couch… He couldn't've just told me?_ Lily held out her hand mutely and took the book that was offered to her.

"Why didn't you just give it to me before class?"

"I guess I just forgot about it. I mean, you were actually _talking _to me. I didn't want to give you a reason to get angry." James merely grinned when she stayed quiet and turned around to walk back to the great hall after several minutes. "See you around, Evans." He waved casually.

"Wait, Potter!" Lily yelled after his retreating back before she could stop herself.

"Hm?" he questioned, turning around.

"You mean you're not going to ask me out?"

He stared at her with an unreadable expression on his handsome face. "You said you were gonna say 'no.'"

"No! I said I would say 'yes'!"

"Well, which is it, yes or no?"

Lily huffed, "I'm not answering until you ask me first!"

James paused, taking her request into consideration. Already knowing what she would say, he asked, "Do you fancy me?"

"Yes!" Lily yelled before bothering to hear what the question was. Realizing this, she turned red. "That's not fair! I thought you were gonna ask me out! You bloody tricked me!"

But James only grinned at her, ignoring her threats to hit him. "Well, since you're obviously head over heels – "

"I am _not_ head over heels!"

"I suppose I could ask you to Hogsmeade this weekend. What do you say, Lily?" James asked, as though he had never been interrupted.

_Oh, shut up you great prat! For pulling that you deserve to be turned down!_ "Yeah… okay," she said eagerly, breaking into a wide smile.

"It's a date then." The Gryffindor chaser grinned attractively, pecked her on the cheek, and then turned to walk back to the great hall to finish his lunch.

Standing there, only just beginning to absorb what had happened, Lily brought a free hand to her cheek where he'd kissed her and found herself smiling. Suddenly, she brought her gaze back down to the textbook in her hand and frowned.

_Bleeding Sirius._

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**Author's Notes:** Well? It can't've been that bad for a first attempt. :D Review, por favor?


	2. So Much for Subtlety

**Author's Notes:** I think I'm officially obsessed with Lily/James. :D Not meaning to diss any of my other favorite pairings, of course. After writing _It's Just a Transfiguration Book_, my mind was suddenly abundant with all sorts of plot bunnies that just refused to leave me alone. So, I've decided to turn this fan fiction into a series of humorous and romantic one shots. This one's in Lily's POV.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the clothes on my back and a rather nice computer…

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**So Much for Subtlety**

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It was Friday night, and I was exhausted. Wait, no, scratch that. I was more than exhausted. I was dead on my feet after a week of exams. So what momentary madness had possessed me firmly enough to join in with the other girls of Gryffindor tower in a night of celebration?

I'll tell you what it was: food.

Yes, despite being relatively thin, I was on a "see-food diet," meaning I saw food and ate it. On my list of favorites, eating was definitely in second, only behind breathing and only slightly ahead of drinking (which is almost the same thing anyway). Thus, I was bribed into it. This being the case, I remained awake at two in morning in the girls' dormitory, stuffing my face with Honeydukes sweets while the other girls were engaged in some sort of daring game. I wasn't exactly sure what the objective was, seeing as I wasn't honestly paying any attention; the only thoughts I harbored were ones of chocolate and fluffy pillows.

"Who was your first kiss?" I heard one girl ask another with a hint of a giggle in her voice.

Urgh… I hate girlish giggles. They sound as stupid as the word.

Did normal girls play these sorts of games with each other during sleepovers, if that's what one would call this little gathering? Because I found it extremely tedious just to _listen_ to.

I think it was at this point that I let out a rather large and un-stifled yawn, stretching my arms emphatically.

Despite my being _sincerely_ inconspicuous, one of the other girls seemed to realize that I was becoming a bit bored and decided to include me in the wonderfully glorious event.

"Truth or dare, Lily?"

Obviously, I had no idea what I was saying when I responded by saying "truth"; I just wanted to get it over with and then snuggle into my wonderful four poster for the next century and a quarter.

But bloody Alice had to go and ask one of the most dreaded questions in the world: "Who are you in love with?"

Why did she go and ask that? I could feel my mouth gaping in disgusted amazement. I ignored the cries of the others to shut my trap, as it was still full of partially chewed pepper imps.

As if that wasn't bad enough, I had to go and respond in the daftest way possible. To this very day, I'll never forget what stupidity tumbled out of my mouth.

"Most definitely _not_ James Potter!"

My friends said nothing at first, but I knew what they were thinking.

That was just as good as giggling like a girl and saying, "Oh, James has been on my mind since day one," which, for the record, is a false statement. It was just merely a reaction that I had developed over years of harboring an intense dislike for the boy.

I tried desperately to remedy the situation by voicing these exact thoughts: "It was just merely a reaction that I had developed over years of harboring an intense dislike for the boy!" But this did little to help me. My friends merely threw their heads back and laughed… like hyenas. It _was_ rather frightening. And I was even more upset that they couldn't take me seriously.

"Sure, Lily. And Sirius Black is _hideous_."

_Well… _

"And James _definitely_ isn't in love with you either." The sarcasm was disgusting me. Suddenly, pulling Alice's hair began to look appealing… I even felt my fingers twitch in anticipation.

I only scowled at the guffaws that met my ears after this statement. What in the name of my left sock was going on?

"Shut up, you prats!" I yelled, taking the mature route to ending the conversation. I was dismayed when the laughing didn't cease. I really was beginning to think that my friends (or so they claimed to be) really _were_ scavengers of Africa.

I sighed in relief when my former pals decided to cut me some slack. Either that, or they just had really short attention spans. I'd have to say that I'd believe either statement at this point. I gladly returned to my pile of magical sweets and began openly attacking an unopened box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans.

I began to doze off again with a lollypop in my mouth as the subject changed and my roommates continued on with their little game. Let it need not be said that I was definitely glad to be out of the conversation.

Unfortunately, these… _friends_ of mine were only busy for about ten minutes before they returned to me with their unwavering attention. What, on God's green earth, did I do to deserve such a cruel and unusual punishment? All I wanted was to go and get my nine and a half hours of weekend sleep!

"So, Lily, are you and James like… an item now?" I watched uninterestedly as Lucy leaned toward me, her smiling face perched obnoxiously on her hands.

Had they neglected to remember that I never (and never will, mind you) admitted my love for that annoying, quidditch-playing, hair-flipping, butt-ugly, pathetic excuse for a head boy? Because this subject was suddenly getting a bit old…

I was tired, and I was sleep deprived. I just wanted to remove myself from this stupid conversation as quickly as I could, and so I asked, I bloody asked, "What's it gonna take for you guys to leave me alone?!"

A pause followed this angry question of mine, and I saw the other girls look pointedly at each other as if deep in some sort of obnoxious negotiation. I inwardly high-fived myself. Maybe they would finally realize how stupid they were being… how utterly, and completely –

"You have to do a dare for us," Alice stated matter-of-factly, a knowing and obnoxious smile on her face. Ha, as if she even _knew_ anything about… _anything_.

"And it's not going to be an easy one," Vivian added.

"Yeah," Lucy said, catching on. "And you have to let us watch when you do it!"

Okay… I didn't know where this was going. These friends – oh yeah, wait… _ex-friends_ – of mine had odd ways of having fun. Yes, I've said it once and I'll say it again: torture is not fun.

Well, maybe I've never said that since I've never experienced torture before tonight, but regardless, I'm saying it now.

"So, are you in?" I heard one of them ask… I couldn't bother myself to figure out which one it was; at two-thirty in the morning, it was difficult for me to even tell my right hand apart from my left.

"That depends," I paused, contemplating my question carefully. Well, if I'm forced to go along with this, I might as well get some sort of benefit out of it. "Can I go to sleep once I do it?"

All three girls shared glances in silent deliberation. I watched blatantly as their expressions changed from time to time. Was I out of the loop or something? Since when was not speaking the cool thing to do when communicating?

"Fine, you can go to sleep after you've done it."

Score! Between doing a silly dare (probably something like running around the empty common room in my underwear for half a minute) and being laughed at all night for my nonexistent love life, I would have to go with the former. "Okay, so what is this 'horrible dare' of yours?" I grinned as though I'd just won some sort of contest and looked pointedly at Alice.

I must've missed her smirk because I was so pleased at my good fortune.

"You have to go and kiss Potter."

This was met with a fresh round of giggles as I struggled to comprehend what my roommate had said. _What?! What in the name of sodding hell?! What in the name of sodding, bloody –_ "What?!" I yelled this so loudly that I was shushed and nearly smothered by a pillow. I would've held that pillow and slept on had I not been rudely awakened by that sudden disgusting request.

"You heard me. You have to go kiss Potter," Alice alleged again. I'm serious when I say that I wanted to slap her for even suggesting such a thing. That was not okay… no matter _what_ time of day it was.

"But first you have to wake him up and tell him that you forgot to give him a goodnight kiss… _And_ you have to be nice about it," Vivian added as an afterthought… and it was a rather clever one, I'll give her that.

"Most importantly, you have to kiss him for at least five seconds… but any longer than that is your call."

That last comment was wholly repulsive! Lucy is an arse! "Are you mental? I might get a disease!" I could literally feel the temperature of my face increase by several degrees as I said this.

Raucous laughter met my ears for possibly the twelfth time that night, meaning that all of them had laughed at me four times individually. I like math.

"A disease?"

"Yes! I'm sure he probably suffers from…" I was tempted to say "idiocy," but upon looking up the word in a dictionary after using it so many times and finding that it meant "extreme mental retardation," I had to rethink my reply. I knew Potter suffered from many things, but mental retardation was not one of them. "… Pneumonia," I finished lamely.

_Did these people ever stop laughing?_

"In June?" Vivian inquired, trying and failing to keep a straight face.

During the next few moments, I probably resembled something along the lines of a floundering trout. "That's – I – well…" I managed intelligently.

Whether it was out of pity or exasperation, I don't know, but Alice sighed and patted me on the back several times. "Look, we're only asking for about ten seconds of your life… depending on how fast you speak, so maybe you should just go to his room and get it over with."

I was stuck like a cat in a tree.

As a cat is smart enough to climb a tree and stupid enough not to be able to find the ground again, I was too hebetudinous to back out of this ridiculous scheme and make my way into bed instead.

Why was this?

I honestly couldn't tell you… Perhaps it was just my subconscious playing a rather mean joke on my poor and abused soul, or maybe it was karma catching up with me for all the times I called James an idiot, but I was suddenly gripped by several pairs of arms and practically carried out of the girls' dorm room before I could react.

I was getting further and further away from my precious sleep…

"Okay," Alice began, once we were on the landing to our sleeping quarters and the door was closed. "The three of us'll watch from here. Go get him, and bring him into the common room."

"Why?" I asked, desperately trying to find a breach in the three pairs of folded arms to get into my bedroom, in which I envisioned my scarlet comforter and sheets...

"So we can see you guys, duh!" Lucy explained, as though not knowing this was an indication of utter folly. I had a few choice words to share with them, but my mouth didn't seem to want to open. I satisfied myself by sending them each their own personal glower from yours truly.

They just pushed me toward the stairs, on which I very nearly tripped.

That would've been attractive. More importantly, that probably would've woken up all of Gryffindor tower.

I trudged down the stairs slowly, gradually filling my mind with thoughts of revenge. When I reached the halfway point, I turned right back around and ran back up the way I came. Wow… when I was several steps down from my friends, they all looked quite intimidating. Or maybe that was because they were just glaring at me without blinking. It was difficult to tell. Either way I was forced to continue on my lonesome journey downstairs.

I realized what a disturbing noise bare feet made on stone as one was walking.

If I didn't know better, I would've said that my brain had fallen into my feet and was thus making a horrible squelching noise every time I took a step. It _would_ explain my spontaneous decision to agree to this dumb test of strength anyway… I glared at my friends over my shoulder, but they just smiled and waved down to me in the most patronizing manner I have ever seen in my entire life.

Those twits.

Those prats.

Those nose goblins!

Those –

I was tempted to run up the stairs again once I reached the common room, but I pulled myself together and managed to resist the invitation. Instead, I took up a rather irritating pacing on the rug in front of the fireplace. I was glad there was no fire or burning coals. I felt hot enough as it was. This marching back and forth went on for several minutes; my feet were starting to get rug burn.

Who could hate someone like me this much? Pray tell me what I did to deserve such a shameful fate.

I crouched onto my knees at the foot of a couch, clutching the armrest and cursing and shaking my fist at the heavens in such a manner of futility.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard this hissing noise coming from the ceiling.

_Are they after me already? _"I'm too young to die!"

"Lily! What are you doing?!"

Looking up toward the source of the noise, I found Alice looking down at me indignantly from over the railing with her lips pursed and her wand out threateningly. I made a frantic hand gesture to her as if to say, "I'm trying!"

She must've gotten the message, though, because she rolled her eyes and said, "Well, hurry up then!" She motioned to the staircase across from our own, and I heard myself gulping audibly, though not audibly enough to let one of my roommates hear anything. They'd just shake with laughter again.

I crossed the common room and walked up the complimenting staircase, trying to go even slower than I had on the way down the girls' one, if that was even possible. I doubt it was because I was just outside the boys' dorm in a matter of seconds.

Being the observant girl I am, I was aware that Remus, who seemed to suffer from frequent illnesses, was recovering in the hospital wing.

That poor, poor boy. Maybe _he_ was the one with pneumonia… even if it _was_ June.

Eliminating one, that left three out of four in the boys' dorm.

I knew from several experiences that Sirius Black was the heaviest sleeper in the world. A few years ago I had stormed into the common room in a rage because he and Potter had put glue on my chair in class. At least Potter had the sense to be scared. Black was just lying there on the couch when I decided to yell at him. I stopped when he turned over and continued snoring.

Peter, on the other hand, was an extraordinarily light sleeper, but I knew for a fact that he slept with his hangings shut and earplugs in his ears every night to drown out the piggish noises of snores in the room, as I was so blessed to hear at that very moment by standing outside the dorm.

Please note the sarcasm in that statement.

Without further ado, I opened the heavy door just an inch so I could see what happened inside… _Why did the door choose this moment to whine like a bloody train?!_ My breath hitched when I heard Sirius give a great snore. I swear, that boy sounds like a dog… even when he's awake. However, he inch-wide sliver of light I had was not enough to see anywhere into the room. I groaned in frustration and pushed the door a little bit more… _Was it squeaking even _louder_ than the first time?!_

At this point, I had about six inches through which to communicate into the room; I refused to insert myself in that pigsty. Peter's hangings were shut, just as I'd suspected. _High-five, Lily!_ I saw Sirius facedown on his bed, sleeping like a log. I rolled my eyes. That child was infuriating even when he was asleep.

I was mildly pleased to find Potter's silhouette beginning to stir under his sheets. At least I wouldn't have to go and drag him out of bed at the risk of being seen by either of the two other boys. I could just imagine the kinds of rumors that would start about me by next morning if anyone were to wake up and see me near James's bed in the middle of the night.

I shuddered at the thought.

"Psst!" I hissed warily, motioning for him to get out of bed as quickly as possible.

"Evans?" he asked groggily, having just opened his eyes. "What are you _doing_ here? It's the middle of the night…"

I continued making hand motions telling him to get up. Sheesh… if I didn't stop that soon, it wouldn't be long before the whole school thought I was an epileptic or something.

I saw his shadow sit up and grab blindly on his nightstand for his glasses before placing them on the bridge of his nose. He did all this extremely slowly.

Why in the world was I suddenly annoyed that he wasn't cooperating? He was supposed to be glad to see me!

After waiting for several minutes (or _days_ maybe, it was hard to say), he finally stood up and began walking drowsily toward me and rubbing sleep from his eyes as he did so.

_Hurry up you great oaf! I've been waiting here for – Oh, my great aunt Tabitha…_ He wasn't wearing a shirt. I felt my eyes widen, but I don't think he noticed anything. I only stared for a few seconds before tearing my gaze away, but I still drank in everything I could see; after all, drinking was my third favorite thing in the world. I just formed one thought: how could I have ever called him ugly?

He stopped, waited for me to let him through the door, and stood a few feet away from me on the landing. He took this moment of all moments to stretch luxuriously right in front of me. I had to tell myself to roll my eyes at the ceiling to avoid that blatant staring I'd been doing. "Well?" he said expectantly. I was beginning to think he was _annoyed_ at being woken up in the middle of the night… Oh, wait; I was angry that I was still even awake. So I suppose he had a valid reason to be upset.

"Let's go to the common room." I jerked a hand over my shoulder and pointed down the staircase. "It's more comfortable over there."

I inwardly groaned. Now he was just going to think I was going to get more comfortable so I could kiss him or something. Oh, wait a minute…

I was amazed when he just shrugged and seemed to think nothing of it. In fact, he led the way down in front of me. He probably wanted to get to bed as much as I did, meaning he would refrain from turning this mess into a catastrophe. I refrained from skipping down behind him; the difficult part of the evening was already over!

We stood on the hearthrug together, and I all but jumped at him in fright when I heard a roaring sound coming from the fireplace. Instead, I just grabbed his arm in a pincer-like grip. To my surprise, a fire had erupted into life, behaving as though it had been burning for hours. Instinctively, I glared up at the girls' staircase and saw Alice leering down at me from over the banister. "It's to make it more romantic," she mouthed silently before ducking out of sight.

I glared at the wall.

And then I turned around to glare at Potter.

"Er…" he said in puzzlement, looking down to where I had latched onto his arm. As soon as I realized I was still holding it, I let it go with a scowl. Once the awkward moment was over, he found the ability to speak again. "So, are you going to tell me why you woke me up then?"

I pondered this question, thinking of the best way to tell someone I detested that I wanted to kiss them… and without sounding like a complete harlot. However, eloquence was not one of my linguistic skills when faced with a bare-chested boy who was actually very attractive.

"Haven't you guys ever heard of pajamas?" I spat through gritted teeth, refusing to look anywhere but at the boy in front of me… Actually, his revealed skin showed that he wasn't exactly a boy anymore. That didn't really answer his question, though… nor had it been what I'd intended to say.

"You mean the ones our mums give us for Christmas?" he asked, tousling his hair even more than his sheets had. "Well, yeah. We wear 'em when we come down in the morning and we're too lazy to put on regular clothing, but no bloke ever actually _sleeps_ in them." He finished off the response with a yawn.

That was news to me.

"Well can you get dressed then?" I thought this sounded like a reasonable request. I mean, after all, how could a guy as attractive as Potter strut around poor, unsuspecting girl's like myself wearing nothing but a pair of blue boxers?

"You already woke me up at three in the morning, and I didn't complain. No way am I letting you boss me around even more. Besides… it's June! And it's boiling in here!"

He had a fair point… I myself was clad in shorts and a t-shirt… though it was definitely more than he was wearing. That fire was beginning to get hot. I rolled up the sleeves on my shirt. Oh, sod it. I pulled his arm again and led him away from the fireplace before the whole thing turned into a strip show.

"Could you at least put on a shirt?!" Really, it was not unreasonable to ask for a display of common decency, something that Potter obviously had very little of, I had to remind myself.

He blinked curiously in the most adorable way I've ever seen. "Why?" He said this so innocently that I just wanted to strangle him. Would I be reduced to pointing out the obvious?

"Because you're distracting me!"

After I said this, which I immediately regretted that I had, the arrogant jerk had the nerve to smirk and lean back far enough just so he could observe me in all my awkwardness. I was beginning to forget the reason why I had pulled him out of his bed half-naked in the first place.

"_I'm_ distracting you? I never distract you."

"Yeah? Well your chest _is!_"

_What in the name of all things sacred made me say that?!_

If worse came to worst, I could always plead temporary insanity and blame it all on the heat from the fire that my non-friends had decided to ignite as a sick idea of fun.

"Your _legs_ aren't exactly making it any easier for me to pay attention to you either, Evans."

Okay… this was beyond awkward. He hadn't said anything about my legs for the last year. I forgot how I was supposed to react, so I didn't. And he stood there looking at me with his arms crossed. He wasn't staring or undressing me in his mind… he was just looking. But, nevertheless…

"Pervert!"

I threw the closest object I could find at his unsuspecting head. It happened to be a pillow lying on a nearby armchair. He caught it deftly. "What are you talking about?" he countered, suddenly looking angry at my random outburst.

"You were staring at my legs!"

"Hey! _You_ were checking me out first!"

"Well… how could I _not _look when you're hardly wearing anything?! Of course I looked!"

"Well I looked too, okay?!" He wasn't looking at me anymore, but I could tell he was extremely miffed. "Is _that_ all you woke me up for?"

_How was I supposed to tell him I was going to kiss him now?_

"No, Potter, I forgot to give you a goodnight kiss."

_Oh, I guess that's how._

For a few minutes he didn't say anything, a gradual frown appearing on his handsome face. "Evans, you're a weird girl. First you call me a pervert, and then you want me to kiss you?"

Was he stupid? "No! _I_ want to kiss you! Get it right!" Merry mother… this conversation was getting more barmy by the second. After what I just said, of course he wouldn't let me. Remind me how I got into this mess again?

"So do it."

I blinked stupidly. "You mean you'll let me?"

To my surprise (and relief) he laughed softly. "Evans, I've been in love with you for years. Of course I'll let you." All trace of mirth left him at this point, and he looked me in the eye in all seriousness. Those eyes really were something.

I gulped and took a step closer to him. "Okay, but I'll only do it for five seconds." That must've sounded dumb to him. It did to me anyway.

He laughed again. "Go for it." I was close enough to feel the heat radiating from his body and his breath on my cheek. Suddenly it didn't matter that I was dared to do this… I just knew I wanted to. And, let me just say that I was as nervous as hell. Shaking, I placed both my hands on his arms and got as close as I could without actually touching. I stopped breathing momentarily, and being my favorite thing in the world, it felt odd to stop. It was just that those hazel eyes of his seemed to stare all the way down into my soul. Our faces were mere inches apart and I felt my eyes flutter shut.

I was struck by realization like a bolt of lightning.

Wait a second! I was supposed to hate Potter, not want to kiss him!

I pulled away seconds before out lips touched and put a hand over my mouth, eyes wide and unblinking. What had possessed me to do something like that?

I heard James groan in frustration, and I half expected him to force me to kiss him again, but he didn't. Instead he rubbed his eyes and yawned again. He fell back into the couch behind him, looking absolutely exhausted. All the electricity that I had felt between us moments ago had dissipated into thin air.

I followed his example and sat down beside him. I yawned also. It really was contagious. So, I guess I was right when I said Potter was diseased.

He looked at me sideways. I was a little peeved to notice that he wasn't blushing or stammering or anything. He just looked tired. _Or_, I reasoned to myself, _maybe he's tired of being rejected by you so many times…_

"I'm sorry…" I said, unsure of what exactly I was apologizing for.

"Don't worry about it." He gave another yawn, settled down more snugly into the couch and closed his eyes. I could tell he wasn't asleep, though, because his brow was furrowed in thought. I began to think that it wouldn't have been so bad…

Before I knew what I was doing, I had brushed his hair gently out of his eyes and planted a kiss on his cheek. I counted five seconds (or, more likely I counted to five as quickly as I could) and pulled away. I was unnerved when I saw his eyes blinking back at me.

I gulped.

He grinned at me, and I could tell he was resisting the urge to pull me closer to him and kiss me for real. I rolled my eyes, but I still turned extremely red at the thought. Teenage boys really were still hormone-driven.

"Thanks," he said, and I could tell it was sincere.

I turned away smiling privately to myself; he still liked me! I don't know why this thought made me as happy as it did, but at three in the morning –

I sat bolt upright. "Potter! I think we should go up! It's past three now, and – " I was cut off by the sounds of soft snoring in my ear. I whipped around to look at him, and he had already fallen asleep. "Dolt," I whispered, picking myself up off the sofa with some difficulty; I didn't realize I had snuggled in so close to all those cushions.

I trekked across the common room. I nearly had tears of joy in my eyes at the prospect of finally going to sleep. But my feet stopped of their own accord at the bottom of the staircase. I spun around and all but flew back to the couch on which James had decided to fall asleep.

I smiled to myself, perfectly prepared for what I was about to do. Again I brushed the hair off of his closed lids, though more tenderly than the first time, and, without much hesitation, I leaned forward and planted a soft kiss right on his mouth. I held it still there for an actual five seconds this time, but I was unaware of the fact that my right hand had gone up to caress the side of his face.

I pulled away blushing, but grinning like mad.

And he was still sound asleep! It was confirmed by the soft snores issuing from somewhere deep in his bare chest cavity.

I did it! And he would never have to know!

Take that you pathetic excuses for my friends! I had found a way around your silly little trick! I think I'll be taking that well-deserved nap right about now.

"Good night, James! I'll see you and your amazing face in the morning," I chirped cheerfully, turning around and practically skipping to the stairs at the bottom of the girls' dormitory. There was nothing in the world at this moment that could ruin my sudden happiness!

I froze fast with my first foot on the bottom step when I heard a humored voice speak from behind me.

"'Night, Evans."

* * *

**Author's Notes: **Following my normal principles, I would've just written this under a new story, but this way I feel as though more people will take the time to read all the stories rather than just one.

I hope this at least tickled your fancy a little bit. Thanks for reading, and I hope you take the time to drop me a review!


	3. A Closed Affair

**Author's Notes:** This is another one of those cliché plotlines, but I've done my best to make it as non-cliché as possible. Ya'll seemed to enjoy the "truth or dare" story, so hopefully this'll reach your level of expectation! Or, at the very least, I hope you get a chuckle out of it.

**Disclaimer: **I wish I owned Harry Potter. Key phrase: "I wish."

* * *

**A Closed Affair**

* * *

12:14 AM, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Grand Staircase

Head boy James Potter tugged his invisibility cloak around him more tightly and shoved Sirius, who had stopped moving in a straight line and was walking into his right shoulder instead. It was always a _little_ awkward for two blokes to be less than a foot apart from each other.

"Padfoot… we're gonna get caught!" James hissed for the twelfth time that night, pivoting his head to look down both sides of the deserted corridor until his glasses went askew over the bridge of his nose. "Evans is probably – "

"Sh!" Sirius readjusted his box of Filibuster fireworks and Drooble's Best Blowing Gum under his arm and gave his friend a piercing glare. "Stop being such a ninny!"

After consulting the map in his hands, James led both of them into a passage behind a tapestry so as to avoid an encounter with a Ravenclaw prefect; the last time that happened while the two were invisible, they hadn't walked properly for a week.

"Good call," Sirius said, as if reading his friend's thoughts.

When the coast was clear, the two of them padded out from behind the tapestry and continued down the marble staircase until they reached the ground floor. Once again scrutinizing the staircase on the map for any sign of life, and seeing only Peeves floating around near Gryffindor tower and Mrs. Norris somewhere on the fifth floor, the pair of them made their way to the doors of the great hall.

"This'll be the greatest prank Hogwarts has ever seen!" Sirius said energetically, not bothering to lower his voice as the two inched nearer to their destination. "Imagine the look on Snivelly's face when he's bombarded by big bombs of bubble gum during breakfast!"

"Nice use of alliteration, there."

"Just admit you're jealous because I came up with this idea before you did!"

Before James could hiss at him to shut his gob, the two of them froze when they heard a voice coming from behind. "Who's there?" They whipped around, taking care to make sure their feet were covered completely by the hem of the cloak. Lily stood there in her green-eyed glory with her wand arm outstretched cautiously. Apparently, she had been in the dungeons, which they had conveniently forgotten to check on the map before continuing.

Sirius made a hand motion, indicating that the two of them ought to move to hide in the shadows under the marble staircase. James nodded, and they both crept away from Lily, who had trained her eyes on the spot they had been only moments before. Squeezed in next to an old and rusty suit of armor, both marauders waited with bated breath for her to turn around.

"Hello?" she asked again, a slight quaver in her voice. When she was met with no answer, she frowned to herself but decided to abandon search and continue her rounds on the staircase…

"A_CHOO_!"

The silence of the night was broken by the rather frightening sound of a disturbing bodily function. Sirius looked at his friend in pure horror and wiped his nose with the back of his hand, his mouth gaping.

"Okay, who's down here?" Lily's voice had returned more forcefully before Sirius could open his mouth to apologize for his sneeze. When they saw her appear from around the stairwell, they both made a split decision to run for it before she ran right into them. However, both of them began sprinting in opposite directions.

The ancient suit of armor fell to the floor with an ear-splitting crash of metal on marble as the two boys and the box of pranking supplies bumped into it. The invisibility cloak was whipped right off of Sirius, who darted out from hiding and ran willy-nilly up the marble staircase in plain view of the Gryffindor head girl. He still had the map clutched tightly in his hands.

"Black! Get _back_ here!" Lily called after his retreating form, climbing along behind him but giving up when she got about halfway up the stairs; how he managed to run up all those steps without getting tired she would never know. More importantly, he was way too far ahead for her to expect to catch up to him without busting a lung. "Honestly," she huffed, turning around to continue her nightly rounds and possibly straighten up the area under the stairs. She bent down and picked up the box of fireworks and gum and repaired the suit of armor with a wave of her wand, but she whipped right around when she heard footsteps behind her.

James, thinking Lily had gone off after Sirius, had run rather frantically across the entrance hall and towards the great hall where he planned to wait until the storm had passed; she would probably be calling reinforcements soon, for it would be obvious that Sirius was not the only one involved. However, he neglected to ensure that his feet were completely covered by his invisibility cloak.

At first, the idea of feet running on their own in the middle of the night was a bit of an eerie experience, but upon recognizing the one-of-a-kind muggle sneakers on the appendages, Lily found herself bubbling with wave of fresh anger. She watched as the door to the great hall pulled itself open apparently of its own accord. "Potter, you come back here right now and take it like a man!" she yelled, throwing caution to the winds and tearing after him with reckless abandon.

Meanwhile, James had weaved his way though the abandoned house tables and skidded to a halt in front of a broom cupboard near the head table. It looked so very much like the wall in which it was embedded that it was only after seeing it on the map one night that the marauders had learned of its existence. After finding it, they had spent several nights figuring out how to open the blasted thing.

James fished around in the pocket of his robes as he heard the erratic footsteps of the head girl pounding their way up the hall behind him. "What do you think you're doing?!" He heard her yell in outrage. However, the quidditch player pulled out a bar of Honeydukes chocolate from the recesses of his attire and waved it in front of the door emphatically.

"Come _on_…" he muttered impatiently under his breath, checking over his shoulder every other second for a jinx that would probably be sent toward him.

"Potter! You're head boy, for crying out loud! When I get my hands on you…!" Lily trailed off, nearing her target.

As much as James wanted her hands on him, he was reasonable enough to be afraid at the same time. At that moment, just when the head girl was only several feet away, the door in front of him opened vertically from the middle with a harsh grinding noise. The resulting opening bared an uncanny resemblance to a mouth, revealing two rows of stone teeth set crookedly apart from each other. Apparently attracted to the scent of the chocolate bar in James's hand, it had decided to admit him entrance to the hidden cavern within.

James scurried inside without a second glance behind him.

"Oh, no you don't!" Lily exclaimed. She grabbed the arm of his robe in an attempt to pull him away, but she was just pulled in after him instead (she had relinquished her grip slightly so as to concentrate on avoiding trodding painfully on the sharp pieces of stone protruding from the floor). She made to exit the room once her partner had stopped walking, pulling him forcefully behind her, but the mouth through which they had entered was already halfway shut, much to her dismay. She rounded on James instead. "What are you doing walking around the school in the middle of the night?!"

James, who had been perfectly prepared to sit out the ordeal on his own, seeing as how the door would only open every few hours once it became hungry again, ignored her question in favor of asking one of his own, "Why're you following me?!"

Ignoring the fact that there was a very limited amount of space in which the pair could move, Lily positively yelled, "Because I knew you'd be up to something tonight, especially after you told me you had to skip monitoring duties to go to a detention with Slughorn. And – oh, don't give me that look – I'm _in_ your class, so I knew you were lying!" Her voice echoed rather menacingly in the confined area.

"That doesn't explain why you chased after _me_ instead of Sirius." Despite the situation, James managed to raise his eyebrows suggestively and grin in a cheeky manner, inwardly priding himself on his supposed use of "tact."

Lily scowled at the obvious insinuation. "The prefects on the upper floors will have seen him by now. And besides, he was running up the stairs and you were running across the floor, which, as most normal,_ intelligent_ people will notice, is flat! Of _course_ you were the easier choice!"

"Well then why in the world would you follow me in here? Why not round up the prefects and bring the whole nerd force with you?!" James spat in annoyance, ignoring the comment about his lack of brains.

"Because I _know_ you, Potter!" Lily said in exasperation. "You're like the annoying brat of a brother I've never wanted. I know you'd just leave if I left you alone in here! And don't call them nerds!" she added. "In case you forgot, you're one too. Though I think that'll change once I get us out of here!" She began feeling up the wall for a non-existent doorknob.

"This door won't even open again until it gets hungry! You're so smart, I'm surprised you didn't already know that!" the chaser responded haughtily.

"How was I supposed to know that?! For all I know, you could've just lured me in here to satisfy your lewd fantasies!" She pulled out her wand, and James couldn't tell whether she was going to blast him or the concealed door to the cupboard.

"So, let me get this straight…" James pondered slowly, mockingly mimicking the way she stood with her hands on her hips. "You followed me, even when I was covered in an invisibility cloak, into a broom cupboard, knowing full well that it would just be the two of us alone in here for who knows how long?" He smirked as he watched her fumble around for a response, dropping her wand clumsily onto the floor.

"I – _I'm _just fulfilling my duties as head girl… Potter!" Lily said this with as much poise as she could muster, but her face turned red anyway. She had almost forgotten to add his surname to the end of the statement. James's cocky smile told her that he didn't miss the change of color of her face, despite the heavy darkness surrounding them. "Now let me out of here so I can get you in trouble!" She whipped around and gave the door a forceful kick but began yelping in pain when all she received for her efforts was a seriously stubbed toe.

"That doesn't exactly give me much of an incentive to let you out then," the chaser reasoned as his injured companion hopped up and down while pain shot through her foot.

"Oh, screw you!" Lily yelled, forgetting to be mature.

James raised his eyebrow and paused after this unusual articulation to come up with a witty reply of his own. "I wouldn't mind if you did." He smirked at her when he saw her turn crimson in a mix of embarrassment and anger.

"No, no, no!" The head girl's jumping stopped, and she proceeded to stomp on the floor in a rage with her good foot while burning holes in the boy's face with her startlingly emerald eyes.

If James hadn't been wearing glasses to reflect such blazing glares, he may have noticed and considered the danger. As it was… "Are you sure, Evans?" He folded his arms smugly as he watched Lily blush even more furiously, if that was even possible; she was the same color as her hair.

"Shut up, shut up, shut _up!_"

Forgetting her silent vow to avoid violence, Lily launched herself at the object of her frustration in a flash of red hair and freshly ironed robes. She treaded mercilessly on his toes, shoved him forcefully in the stomach, and even managed to snap his glasses in half while calling him every insulting thing she could think of. "You stupid, stupid, stupid troll!"

"Okay, okay, Jesus!" James had thrown his hands over his face to avoid getting a broken nose, but that left his arms wide open for a fresh attack. When Lily brought her hands to start scratching his revealed wrists, hoping she'd pop a vein and give him real reason to worry, he caught her hands in the downswing. She stopped struggling briefly, caught by surprise, and the chaser took the opportunity to pin her against the wall with his body. "I was just kidding! And stop repeating yourself!"

"I won't!" Freezing her motion obviously did nothing to stem the flow of words issuing from her mouth. "I absolutely will not! Now let me out! Let me out right now!" Lily was flushed in anger, and her auburn hair was tousled rather heavily, giving off the impression of a different kind of heated interaction. James felt her breath on his face and noticed that she was also panting, the neck of her robe having been unbuttoned during their tussle. Right then she looked too… _enticing_. He had a fleeting image of the reaction a passerby would have should one walk in on them at that minute. "And let me go already! Or I'll scream and wake up the entire castle!"

For some reason, that statement wasn't exactly a turn-off.

James decided not to tell her that she probably already did wake up all of Hogwarts and instead took a bold leap and kissed her right on the lips in mid-sentence. When he pulled away, the love of his life was finally quiet, but he was unable to make out her expression since his broken glasses were dangling off of his ears.

He mistakably took this lack of vocals as a blessing and backed away.

After standing there shocked with her fingers just grazing her bottom lip for several seconds, Lily made a move to attack him again. "How _dare_ you take advantage of me!" she positively screamed, neglecting to remember that she had been the instigator of the conflict.

James was ready the second time. "I think maybe you should sit down." He grabbed her by the shoulders to stop her movement and pushed her away from him firmly by jabbing her in the clavicle with his fingertips. Lily lost her balance, staggered, and fell to the floor with a soft "fump."

"What was that for?!" she yelled at him furiously.

"I still think you're a little too close. Just move back a bit." James motioned for her to continue backward motion with a wave of his outstretched hand.

She shifted even closer to the wall, ignoring the questionable debris that was finding its way onto her shoulder from the crevices in the dusty room.

"Just – just an _inch_ or so more." James had taken out his wand and repaired his glasses with ease, placing them gingerly on his bruised nose.

Lily looked at him with incredulity, seeing as how her back was already pressed up against the wall. She satisfied him by drawing her knees up protectively to her chest. "Happy, you dolt?" She glared up at him.

"Not really, no." He eyed her warily.

Suddenly, despite being looked in a man-eating broom cupboard during the wee hours of the morning, Lily couldn't bring herself to be angry. As much as tried to avoid thinking about James in any way other than hatefully, all she did was notice how tempting he looked while he leaned up against the wall with his arms crossed, staring straight ahead at something imaginary with a slight smile on his lips. She bit her lip unconsciously when she saw him lick his.

Five or six minutes passed in a silent eternity. "What time is it?" Lily mumbled tentatively in an attempt to remedy the awkward situation. She at least had the decency to be ashamed of her behavior, but the question she had really been meaning to ask was "Why did you kiss me?" Somehow she doubted that inquiry would help her in the slightest. She blushed from head to toe upon recalling the moment when she was pressed up right against the head boy's athletic body.

"I don't know." James finally gave in to his fatigue and slid down the wall opposite her with his legs outstretched in front of him. They just stared at each other, unblinking.

Lily forgot what she had originally asked. "You don't know why you kissed me?!" she said, incredulous, forgetting that even "stalkers" like Potter couldn't read minds.

She was met with a quizzical look from behind a pair of hazel eyes. "What in the world are you going on about now?"

"Nothing!" she responded automatically, green eyes widening as she realized her verbal mistake. "Simple slip of the tongue is all."

"Hey!" James sounded indignant and genuinely offended, and his voice had once again taken on an argumentative tone. "I know you hate me and everything, but my tongue went nowhere _near_ you! I was just trying to make you shut up."

"So you go and kiss girls now when you want them to shut up? I didn't think even _you_ could stoop so low!" Why in the world was she feeling mortally offended by this bit of information?

"No, I only do that to you!" James blushed furiously at his sudden confession; contrary to popular belief, he most certainly did _not_ go around kissing every girl he saw.

That was Sirius's profession.

Lily gagged falsely, and the two were once again on the verge on another verbal war. "Potter, you've made me long to rip off my own lips."

"You could rip off _my_ lips, Evans, provided you use your own to do so." Again, James neglected to be the bigger person… in a mental sense, anyway. He raised his eyebrows seductively.

The head girl looked at him in horror. "That's disgusting!" She picked up a piece of rubble from the floor and chucked it at her offender. However, due to her poor aim, it bounced off the wall just to the left of his head.

"Hey, you said it first." When she threw an even larger stone at him, James barely managed to avoid it. "It was just a joke. Why are you getting so defensive?"

"I'm not!"

The head boy rolled his eyes inwardly as several tense, silence-filled minutes dragged by. Maybe she was just sleep-deprived… and it made her act like an assassin. He caught himself glancing at his non-existent watch more than once, only to be met with a bare wrist.

"Hey, Evans," he started, trying to make the conversation take a friendly turn again. "Do you want – "

"No, never!" She still sounded fairly hostile.

" – a bite to eat?" He had pulled out the chunk of chocolate he had used to open the door and was extending his hand toward her when she had yelled at him.

"I – " Lily stopped herself. Ignoring an audible groan from her stomach, she declined, realizing that she would sound even more rude if she was to accept. She scowled at herself; she was sure he was going to ask her something about his kissing her… if one could call a simple smooch a kiss… there wasn't even the disgusting exchange of saliva. This notion made the head girl shudder with repugnance. "No thanks, Potter." She was surprised at the civility of her tone. "I'm not in the mood to taste you – I mean! I'm not really fond of eating Potter – "

"What?" James, who had the chocolate bar halfway to his open mouth, gaped at her with a look comprised of arrogance and moderate fear.

"'What'?" Lily repeated. Her voice was oddly high when she realized what she was saying.

"You just said you're not fond of… _eating_ me." He ruffled his hair in puzzlement.

"I most certainly did not!" That could not have come out more wrong than it did. "You're dreaming!"

"It wouldn't be the first time…" James said slowly. He shrugged and began wolfing down the chocolate in his hands so quickly that he appeared to be inhaling it.

Lily's eyes widened and she stood up in a rage. "No! You idiot!"

The head boy looked up at her and followed suit. Despite his being a head taller than her, he was still intimidated by her glower. "What?" he asked innocently.

"You've eaten our only food! How're we gonna get out of here now?" Her reply was a simple grin. Being only several feet away from James, she could smell the distinct scent of cacao on his breath. "You really _did_ trick me in here to indulge in your demented dreams!"

"How sick do you think I am? Of course I didn't!"

"And now what am I going to do? How do we get out!?" Lily got down on all fours on the filthy ground to feel for the wand that she had dropped when the two of them were first stuck inside the room, but she couldn't find it. Momentarily, she wondered if the door seriously did eat it, and if that would be her fate also. "I don't want to starve to death! I can't die in here with _you_!" she whined.

James looked a bit miffed. "We're not going to die, so I think you should calm down a little."

"Says the boy who just ate half his weight in chocolate!" She gave him quite a dirty look. "Give me your wand, Potter." She held out her hand to him expectantly.

"What for?"

"What do you think? I need to blast this door open!" She conveniently forgot to remember that blasting the door would probably send hundreds of pounds of rubble onto their heads.

"No!" James backed into the farthest spider-infested corner he could and wrapped his arms around himself in a manner completely devoid of any traces of masculinity. Unfortunately, he was still only a few meters away.

Lily stalked toward him, murder in her eyes. "I'm sick of this! I have class in the morning, I'm hungry, and I'm stuck in a man-eating broom cupboard with my least favorite person in the whole world!"

"So you _were_ hungry!" James said triumphantly, hitting a fist on his upturned palm. "You should've just said so."

"You're very... infuriating! I thought you were going to ask me to kiss you!" Lily said, her teeth gritted in embarrassment. When James just stood there smirking, she launched herself on him in an attempt to retrieve his wand. She ran her hands down the front and sides of his robes. Trying desperately to ignore what she felt underneath her fingers, she focused on searching for the magical tool that could free her from her doom… even if it wasn't a real doom.

"What are you doing?!" The head boy grabbed her shoulders and pushed her away from him as gently as he could without hurting her, but as forcefully as possible to get her to back away. He straightened his mercilessly wrinkled robes. "Jesus, Evans, for someone who hates me you really seem to like to touch me." She'd been less than a foot away on more than one occasion that night.

Lily made a move to search him again, forgetting her embarrassment in the face of finally leaving the room. "Where is it?" she asked herself as she pulled back his cloak to reveal a set of scarlet pajamas.

"Would you quit that!" James said angrily, forcing her hands away from him and closing his robe more tightly than he had the first time. "If you don't stop, I'll just have to kiss you again!"

With every scrap of dignity taken from her, Lily sank to the floor with her head in her knees and started crying. She'd kissed and practically molested Potter in one night. God… she was worse than he was. She didn't even bother to lower the volume of her sobs.

James, who had taken a step toward her, recoiled in fear. What was one supposed to do when faced with a crying girl? Swallowing, he crouched down to her level so that he was even with the top of her florid head. "Er… Ev – Lily, are you okay?"

Without much of a warning, the red head threw herself onto the boy in front of her, wrapping her arms around his neck and sending the pair of them toppling backwards. James would've chosen that moment to spout an arrogant remark, but seeing as Lily was still crying, he refrained.

At the same time, he kept his hands firmly on either side of him while discreetly breathing in the scent of her shampoo.

"I just want to get _out_ of here!"

James nodded mutely against her hair and managed to get the two of them onto their respective feet, though with some difficulty. Lily appeared to be recovering from her brief breakdown. She pulled away from him and wiped the remaining tears off of her face. "Is er… everything okay?"

The head girl took a deep breath to steady herself and nodded resolutely.

James smirked at her.

Lily glared right back.

"What?!" they asked at the same time.

"You!" they replied together.

"Me?"

"You!"

"Oh, enough of this!" Lily exclaimed, pointing down to the floor with a jab of her finger. "This," she said in reference to the encounter they shared, "doesn't leave the room! Do you understand me, Potter?!" She put her hands on her hips in the manner a mother would when scolding her child.

"Fine, fine… But you seemed pretty happy to be right up against me." James was positively beaming. "Imagine what people would say if they knew that, Evans. What do you think?"

"On the contrary, I was sad to touch you! So sad that I was crying!" She seemed to forget that that was a complete lie. He wouldn't go so far as to embarrass her by telling people, would he?

Lily put her foot down hard, but she stepped ungracefully right into an empty bucket. She tripped and her momentum carried her forward, sending her toppling right into James's chest. That seemed to be happening a lot lately. "Are you – "

"No, Potter! I'm _not_ going to kiss you!"

The head boy gave her a dark look. "Evans, all night you've been thinking about how I kissed you… and even though you tasted pretty good, it's stopped being cute." He watched as she just gaped at him. Because of their closeness, James could see every freckle on her nose. "Don't pretend you didn't notice!"

Lily tried to stand up on her own, but the round edge of the bucket that was still on her foot rolled precariously against the stone floor, rendering her off-balance and sending her falling into him yet again. She grabbed onto his arms to try and regain her composure but was unsuccessful. "No, I assure you that I haven't."

"Oh, Merlin…" he responded in disbelief. "Look, just let it go. I know you hate me, and you know I fancy you. I told you I wanted you to be quiet, so, being a man – "

"Boy," Lily corrected automatically.

James ignored her. "I did the first thing that came to mind." He didn't mention how attractive he had found her when she was on the verge of biting his head off… figuratively, of course. "I told you it didn't mean anything, so forget about it already."

Lily blinked. "It didn't mean anything?" Why was she sounding so upset about something so trivial?

"No…" James affirmed slowly, as if relishing the taste of the word on his tongue. Then, he caught a look at her skeptical and hurt expression. "Do you _want_ it to mean something? Because I can do it again if that's what you want."

"I – " Lily was spared the humiliation of answering his question when an unmistakable grinding noise indicated that the mouth-like door was opening again. James took the initiative to move toward the exit this time, whether it was because he was afraid to hear his companion's response or because she was incapable of walking normally; every other step she took resulted in a loud clang of metal against stone.

However, when the pair of them were just making their way out, Sirius pushed his way into the already overcrowded broom cupboard. The head boy and girl were thrown back against the wall due to the force of his sudden appearance. "Fancy meeting you guys here," Sirius said with a sarcastic smile. He took a look at Lily's disheveled appearance and eyed the close proximity between her and James's torsos suspiciously. "What have you two been _doing_?"

Lily shoved the body in front of her until she could inhale fully without feeling another chest before filling her lungs with an adequate amount of air. "We haven't been doing any – "

"Exactly what you think we've been doing," James said, cutting Lily off as revenge for inflicting so much undeserved physical pain on him over the course of the last two hours.

"Have you been cheating on me, Prongs?" Sirius mock-pouted and stuck out his bottom lip. Even in the darkness, Lily thought she saw it give a rather exaggerated, theatrical quiver.

"Oh, please…" she muttered to herself under her breath, rolling her eyes swiftly towards the cobwebbed ceiling.

The Gryffindor chaser put a hand over his heart overdramatically. "It looks like you've found me out, Padfoot."

It was amazing to hear the two of them have that sort of a conversation with such seriousness in their voices; it truly took a sexually secure man to make homosexual references to himself.

"Are you kidding me?" The head girl looked between the two boys with a look on her face that was between disgust and merriment at the obscure prospect of James finally leaving her alone.

"Why? Jealous, Evans?" Sirius smirked at her, knowing that he had struck on a rather sensitive nerve.

"No!"

"Want to get back to what we were 'doing,' then?" James inquired huskily, using an arm to draw her closer to him until their noses were touching, and acting as though Sirius was no longer with them.

"Excellent." The dog animagus grinned evilly and settled back, prepared to enjoy whatever was going to happen between his friend and his potential girlfriend.

The red head disentangled herself from the head boy in revulsion and abashment. She began blushing for the thousandth time that night. "No it _isn't_! And we _haven't_!" But this was met only with patronizing chortles from the other two.

"Don't pay any attention to her, Padfoot. She knows full well how she launched herself at me in a fit of passion and then snogged me senseless." James and Sirius shared in a manly laugh, and Lily suddenly felt extremely small in comparison.

"If you're talking about that time you pinned me to the wall – "

"Look! She's finally owning up to it!"

"No I'm not!"

The party wasn't able to leave the room until past three-thirty in the morning.

Lily gave both Sirius and James double detentions that night.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Hm… honestly, I would have to say that the last line is my favorite part of this ficclet. I'm not too sure about the rest, though… Ah, well, please leave me some feedback, and hopefully the next one-shot will be a little more satisfying. Trust me, it's one of the more cliché plotlines, but I think it has the potential to be quite funny. :D Stay tuned for next time!


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